


Shipwrecked in You (or, Five kisses and a desperate embrace)

by Poetry



Series: Dæmorphing Divergences [1]
Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Daemons, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bechdel Test Pass, Daemons, First Kiss, Incest, Multi, Polyamory, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 00:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1100419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poetry/pseuds/Poetry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They turn to each other because there is no one else who will understand. Set in the <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/series/8983">Dæmorphing</a> crossover universe, but in an alternate timeline from the main story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shipwrecked in You (or, Five kisses and a desperate embrace)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mademoisellePlume](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mademoisellePlume/gifts).



> _In the childhood of mist, my soul is winged and wounded._   
> _Lost discoverer, everything was shipwrecked in you!_
> 
>  
> 
> _You clung to pain, you grasped desire,_  
>  _Sadness overthrew you, everything was shipwrecked in you!_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> – from Pablo Neruda’s “Song of Despair” (translation from Spanish is mine)

**1.**

Merlyse is curled on her bed as a coyote. Diamanta is sitting next to her as a capuchin monkey, stroking the fur between her ears, though the lines of Merl’s body are still tense, her ears pricked upright. 

“There’s got to be something else we can do,” Jake says, pacing across his bedroom. “What if we kept him somewhere? Tied him up until the Yeerk starves?”

“Your parents would freak out, man. They’d call the police. There’d be an Amber Alert. And we couldn’t watch him all the time. We’ve got to go to school. I guess, well, Tobias could. But if he got away, what could Tobias really do about it?”

“I’ll cut school. I don’t care. It’s worth it. At least Tom will be free.” Jake clenches his fists and turns toward the door. “Are you with me or not?”

Dia feels Merl’s muscles bunch, ready to follow. Marco’s hands flex. He’s ready to grab Jake, hold him back, but he can’t. So Dia flows into thirteen feet of king cobra, wraps around Merl, and traps the end of her snout in a bite, the points of her fangs digging in just a little, just enough.

“Stop,” she says. “You’re hurting and it’s making you stupid. Remember that time after Mom died?”

Marco and Jake were walking home after school that day, and Jake stopped at the pharmacy to pick up some medicine for his dad. Marco waited in the parking lot behind the pharmacy and overheard some high schoolers talking to an older guy. They were asking the price for half an ounce. Dia became a squirrel and scampered closer to get a look. It was a drug deal for some pot. Marco kept edging closer so Dia could hear more. When Jake came out of the pharmacy and figured out what was going on, Merl became a dog, picked up Dia in her teeth, and carried her away. _What the hell, Marco,_ Jake said. _You’re eleven and you’re going to start doing drugs? What would your mom think?_

She feels Merl stir inside her coils, and squeezes tighter. Jake lets out a slow breath. 

“Okay,” says Merl. “Okay.”

“Come on, sit down. You’re wearing tracks into the carpet,” Marco says.

Dia shifts back to the monkey, and finds herself with her arms and legs wrapped around Merl, their mouths pressed together. She knows what Tom or any kid in their class would say if they saw her and Merl like this. But she and Marco aren’t gay, so it doesn’t matter. She moves so they’re curled together like apostrophes in a furry quotation mark. 

Jake sits cross-legged facing Marco. “I don’t know how to live with this.”

“At least you have a chance of getting him back,” Marco says.

  


**2.**

Jake is up late doing homework – he has to do that more often these days to keep up – when he hears faint thumps coming from upstairs. Merlyse’s jackrabbit ears jerk upright. “Tobias,” she says, and becomes a cactus wren on his shoulder as he heads for the attic.

Tobias is throwing himself against the attic wall. <I’m trapped!> says Elhariel as he walks in. <I can’t get out!>

_The hawk doesn’t like it in here,_ says Merlyse. _And Elhariel, well… I’d feel trapped too._

“Tobias,” Jake says, quietly but firmly. “You need to calm down. Do you hear me?”

<I can’t! I can’t!> Tobias moans, thumping himself against the wall again.

Merlyse remembers the day when she rescued him from the bullies tormenting him in the bathroom, and takes the form she took then: an English sheepdog, shaggy and steady. She gives a soft _whuff_ , and the beaked head turns.

“I’m here, Elhariel. You’re safe. Be with me.”

She hops, tentatively, toward Merl. 

“Come here. You don’t need to be afraid. Come on.”

She stands in front of Merl. Merl covers Elhariel’s head with doggy kisses. Jake shivers. Tobias is in there too. His face heats. 

_Don’t think about it too hard_ , Merl says. _They need this. Isn’t that enough?_

Tobias and Elhariel are still now, leaning into the strokes of Merl’s tongue across their head.

“Can you get back to sleep?” says Merl.

<Not really,> says Tobias.

“Then we’ll stay with you until you can.”

<No, don’t, you need to sleep too.>

“What I really need is to do my homework,” Jake says. “That’s what I was doing before I came up here anyway. I’ll just bring my homework here, and you can help me with it until you fall asleep.”

Tobias hesitates. <Okay. If I can help you out – okay.>

By the time Jake comes back up with his homework, Tobias is back in his drawer, fast asleep. Jake finishes his homework in the attic anyway.

  


**3.**

When Tobias and Ax get off at their bus stop at the end of the route, Ax stops to watch a couple at the bus stop kissing each other goodbye. 

«What is the significance of this gesture?» he asks. «Prince Jake’s mother did something similar when she believed I was ill.»

«It’s called a kiss, Ax. Parents and kids do it, boyfriends and girlfriends do it, and humans and dæmons do it.»

«Ah. Andalites use a different gesture, but the meaning is similar. May I kiss you?»

Tobias remembers a warm tongue stroking his head and blurts out, «No!»

«Why not? Are we not shorms?» Ax sounds genuinely hurt, and now Tobias feels like an asshole. Great. How can he explain himself?

«Um. Well, people who are just friends usually don’t kiss, Ax. That’s like a boyfriend and girlfriend thing.»

«You just told me that parents and children share kisses, as well as humans and dæmons. Surely kisses do not necessarily imply an intimate relationship.»

«Well, yeah. But friends still don’t.»

«I still do not understand. I feel affection for you, and I would like to express it in the way humans do.»

_You’re running out of excuses,_ El thinks. _Just tell him the truth. He can keep a secret._

«Sorry, Ax. This isn’t really about you. It’s just that Merlyse kind of kissed me a while back, and I still feel weird about it.»

«Why? It is an honor to receive a kiss from one’s Prince. It is a sign of great favor.»

«An honor? What? Oh, never mind. Look, it’s not like that for humans. It’s… it’s… it was kind of gay, all right? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I wasn’t ready for it and I’m not sure how I feel about it.»

«Gay? What does that mean?»

Tobias groans internally. El says cheerfully, _You dug yourself into this hole!_

_You’re the one who told me to tell him the truth!_

_Come on, you big prude,_ El taunts.

«Like when a girl likes a girl, or when a guy likes a guy? Like, really like, not regular like.»

«Oh. Yes, _darshouth_. You believe the kiss was a sign from Prince Merlyse that Prince Jake wishes _darshouth_ with you?»

«Um. Well. I dunno. I guess that’s why I’m kind of confused.»

«And you? Are you interested in _darshouth_ with him?»

«I don’t know. I don’t know if I want it with anyone. I’ve never really thought about it much.»

«Then kiss me, and perhaps you will form an opinion on it.»

«Oh. Uh. You mean that kind of kiss?»

«You never said there were distinct kinds. For Andalites, a kiss is a kiss. We decide on its meaning. I will not demand that we choose right away.»

_Okay, kissing my alien best friend. This turned out weirder than I expected,_ thinks El.

Tobias looks into Ax’s honey-brown eyes. _Are we really going to do this?_

_We have to,_ says El. _Otherwise we’ll never know. Besides, it’s Ax. If he doesn’t care about us, then nobody in this enormous scary universe does._

«OK, Ax. Do it.»

Ax holds out the arm opposite the shoulder Tobias is perched on. Tobias steps onto his forearm, taking as much care as possible with his claws. Ax leans forward and presses a kiss between Tobias’ eyes. He keeps his eyes open, watching Tobias with the focus he gives to everything new and fascinating he finds on Earth. His hawk mind balks at the contact, but everything else in him softens to this warmth like candle wax.

«I must demorph now,» Ax says. «We are well within the trees.»

«Sure, Ax. I’ll give you some space.» Tobias flutters up to a tree branch. «Listen, Ax. The way you Andalites think about kissing? Makes a lot more sense than what humans do, I think.»

«Then I will show you how Andalites kiss, if you wish.»

«Sure,» says Tobias. «But Ax? We should keep this private. Between us. Okay?»

«Of course. We Andalites are not inclined toward crude public displays like the one we observed at the bus stop. We maintain our dignity.»

«You didn’t have much dignity at the mall food court today.»

«The elders who instructed me in dignity had never encountered Cinnabon,» Ax says gravely.

_You know,_ El says, the kiss still tingling between their eyes, _I think I’m even more confused than before._

  


**4.**

As promised, Rachel is quiet for the rest of their trip to the Gardens. They walk to the bus stop together in silence, until suddenly Abineng picks up Quincy by the scruff of his weasel neck and walks off the sidewalk into the trees. Cassie stumbles to keep up. Once they’re well out of view of the road, Abi puts Quincy down, and Rachel backs Cassie up against a tree. 

“You wanna know what else pisses me off?” Rachel says. Cassie is surrounded, Abi standing over Quincy, Rachel standing over her. “You know, besides the whole nearly betraying us all to the Yeerks thing.”

“What?” says Cassie. _Remember, just about anything she says, you deserve,_ Quincy reminds her.

“You thought that I was starting to get too vicious, right? Too caught up in all the battles? That’s why you left. That pisses me off, but you already know that. What really gets me is that you told me _nothing._ I thought I could count on you, Cassie. You know what kept me going, sometimes, when I wondered if I’d gone too far? I knew, or I thought I knew, that you’d _tell_ me if I had. My best friend would stop me if I went there. And instead, my best friend said nothing, abandoned me, and let me keep on doing whatever it was that scared her so much.” Rachel presses a hand to the tree bark beside Cassie’s face, hemming her in further. “What am I supposed to do now, huh? Will the others tell me when I’ve crossed the line? How am I supposed to know? What do I tell myself when I’m worried I’m losing it?”

Cassie feels her face heat. “Would you have listened if I’d told you?”

Abi scrapes his hoof along the ground like a bull getting ready to charge. “Of course I would!” Rachel explodes. “You always know how to say things the right way! If you’d wanted to, you could have!”

Cassie bites her lip. Quincy shrinks against her leg. “I guess I figured it wasn’t my business.”

“Cassie, my business is your business. I know you’re gonna use that against me when I least want it, but it’s true. I don’t want there to be any part of my life you can’t talk to me about. So I don’t ever want to hear that excuse again.” Rachel stares into Cassie’s eyes. “Can I trust you, Cassie? Will you tell me when I’ve gone wrong before I do something you can’t forgive?”

Quincy watches Abineng. His eyes are downcast, and his ears hang limp. _He really isn’t sure whether we’ll say yes. What have we done? How can we make it right?_

“Yes,” Cassie says, not looking away. “Always. And I’ll trust you to do the same for me.” She leans forward, just a little, so their lips meet gently. “I’m sorry, Rachel.”

Rachel staggers back a step. Then she kisses Cassie back, harder, fiercer. Quincy and Abi are curled together on the ground, bumping noses. “Don’t do that to me again. Ever. I’ll kick your ass.”

Cassie feels like she might melt into the ground. She didn’t mean the kiss like that.

_Didn’t you?_ Quincy says, nuzzling Abi’s chin. He’s pretty sure she wouldn’t push Rachel away if she did it again.

_Well, no. But I’m still pretty sure that wasn’t what I meant._

_What did you mean, then?_

Cassie gives Rachel a flustered smile, and heads back for the sidewalk. _I don’t know._

  


**5.**

Jake and Cassie are the first to arrive at the abandoned warehouse. They push the empty crate into position, Quincy riding on Merlyse’s coyote-formed neck. 

When the dust settles, Cassie turns to Jake and says, “Tell me I’m not a monster. I know it’s a lie, but tell me I’m not.”

Jake holds the sides of her face in his hands and kisses her. “If you’re a monster,” he says, “then all of us are.”

  


**(+1.)**

Rachel and Jake exchange a look. Their arms are over each other’s shoulders. Merl and Abi lean on each other like drunks walking home.

“Cassie,” Rachel says. “Come over here.”

She looks up. Rachel and Jake are reaching out a little with their free hands, unconsciously. 

Cassie gets to her feet, slowly. She demorphs as she goes, her body clumsy with the change. Jake has never been more glad to watch her shed away a morph, to see her sadness written on her own face. Quincy appears as the vampire bat, clinging to the back of her shirt with his wing-claws. Rachel and Jake draw her in, Rachel’s arm around her waist, Jake’s around the back of her head.

Behind him, Jake hears the sound of retching. He gives Rachel and Cassie reassuring squeezes and turns. Marco is leaning against the crate, demorphed and swimming in his borrowed clothing. He wipes the last traces of bile from his mouth with his sleeve. 

Jake carefully takes him by the forearms, where he can’t see Dia’s outline beneath his too-large shirt. Before he even knows what he’s doing, he’s pressing a kiss to Marco’s hairline, mumbling comforting half-words that mean nothing at all.

He pulls Marco, unresisting, toward Rachel and Cassie. Dia’s head emerges from the back of his shirt, and Quincy flutters over and clings to her, shivering. Rachel rolls up Marco’s sleeves so his hands are free to be held.

“I wanted to kill him,” Marco mumbles. “I wanted it so badly, after he – what he did. But now that he's dead, I don't think – I didn't really want to kill him.”

Jake clasps his hand. “None of us did.” Merl nuzzles Abi, so he knows he’s included in that too.

The sound of hooves on concrete resonates through the warehouse. Jake sees Ax and Tobias come in. Tobias is perched on Ax’s back, and Ax has his tail bent down so his blade is right next to Tobias’ head. It would be frightening if Tobias didn’t lean against it from time to time, like he might fall off without it there for support. One of Ax’s stalk eyes is on Tobias, one on us, his main eyes on the body.

Cassie reaches out a hand toward him.

Jake sees him hesitate. He’s never touched any of them except to acquire their DNA. He doesn’t know what that means. But the boundaries are breaking down, now, and Ax lets her pull him into a hug. Jake feels Ax’s tail wrap around him, sees Tobias settle onto Abineng’s back. Tears stream silently down Marco’s face. It’s only the second time Jake has ever seen him cry. 

Jake closes his eyes and lets the spasms take him. His whole body shakes like there’s an earthquake under his skin. But Ax’s strong tail keeps him from falling over, a pair of arms wraps around him. He feels lips against his cheek, and he doesn’t know whose, and it doesn’t matter at all.


End file.
